Run time: 105 mins
Three films in and we reach the (anti) climax of the most vanilla of erotic thrillers.
The story makes so little sense it borders on ‘Plot, what plot?’ is as follows:
We rejoin Anastasia (Dakota Johnson) and her sadist prince Mr. Grey (Jamie Dornan) after a glossy honeymoon in France, complete with breaks for being blindfolded and worked over with her husband’s usual tools. Once they’re back in Seattle, Christian does, well whatever gazillionaires do, and she plies her trade as a fiction editor. But mild peril soon arrives in the form of Ana’s sleazy former boss Mr Hyde (Eric Johnson) who is obsessed with Christian for a murky (who cares) reason from the past. Oh and there’s some sex too, but don’t worry, it doesn’t spoil the ‘story’. They don’t even really behave like a couple. They’re more like co-workers, who sometimes have to lick each other’s nipples. If a married couple enacting slow bouts of missionary to Liam Payne from One Direction is deemed kinky, then eroticism in mainstream cinema is indeed doomed. May I suggest a new safe-sex word: ‘roll-credits’. (research Jack Whiting)
So nothing to dampen a seat, but there is a car chase! It too, all revs no thrust.